R to Soumya: We will get you some salted caramel sweets
Me: Can I have some please?
D: Well you can always go to the shop dad and buy whatever your heart desires? Will you do that? Without asking me and mum for permission. You are a free man who can make good decisions by himself if you think properly about your choices?
Me: You know me: always indecisive and uncertain about physical needs. I gobble down food fast to get it over with
D: You should not eat food fast! That will cause tummy ache or get lodged in your throat which will cause breathing problems, just take your time with food and please eat slowly to savour the flavour of your meals, there is no need to rush honestly.
Today, 29 September 2021
Me: It is easer said than done, but I will try.
R: (Photo of last night’s dish on plate) This is our meal last night, gobbled down by Shan in 5 mins so je could get back to the computer! So sad. He is so busy that he can’t make it to the bathroom on time either!
D I don’t understand this behaviour as we don’t do that. We take our time eating and also take our time taking baths but he does it so quickly. Why?
R. He needs to go to the computer! He prefers it to real people, food and other things. The computer is his worst enemy taking away his life from him. He needs to have a rehab from computer and the net.
Me: I used to go to the digital clock for a decade and more as a gateway to the internal world, Rashmi terrorised me then.Now I go to the computer and Mobile Phone as a gateway to the external world and she terrorised me for that too. She is such a control freak terrorist for taking away my liberty (emoji of devil).
R: Thank you.
Me: She put me in a mental hospital twice in 2004 and 2008 and forces me to take vile mental health medications saying I am mentally ill. She pours scorn on me for smoking (emoji devil)
D: She only did that because she wanted to help you get better! Sectioning is disturbing because everyone can see what is happening! But it got too much for both of us that is why it happened. She did it because she cares about you.
Me: I was searching for the meaning of life, as anyone in my position would have to do when one faces oppression in society. Is that a mental illness?
R: Yes. We are not searching for the meaning of life. We are just getting on with it . People in our lives are beautiful, supportive, helpful, fair and loving. That is why I have survived this ordeal.
Soumya Panda: [Video clip of Devi with chanting).
Me: You know I have been a loner all my life, never had friends in college, not even one. So I was born to be free of bondages. Even socialising with Chris, Margarita and Linda now is tiresome. I only perform my dharma. That is why we are together as a family living in the comfort and security of the United Kingdom.
R: You should have remained a loner. Why destroy my life? Why did you try so hard to marry me? Always feel guilty for what you did to me, knowing fully well your limitations and problems.
Me: It was my dharma to marry a girl that my parents chose for me and they wanted me to be a scientist with a family not a sanyasi. It is what life throws at you that you have to live by. That is sanatan dharma.
R: You did your best to charm me. You did not have to go to India to marry. Did you just want a free carer? A carer who earns money and supports you when you were jobless? I am doing the right thing here. Without me you will be dead. Wake up and accept your illness.
AT THAT I LEFT THE GROUP ON WHATS APP TO LET THE THREE OF THEM GET ON WITH THEIR SWEET NOTINGS INSTEAD OF SERIOUS MATTERS. LATER ON I FOLDED MY HANDS TO HER IN NAMA AND SAID TO RASHMI ‘DEVI, NAMASKAR’. SOUMYA HAS SENT A VIDE OF DEVI (MEANING YOU ARE THE DEVI).