When I was a scientist working in natural products nutrition and toxicology and even prior to that as a student, I was very mindful of what I had to do to educate myself on the need to then secure a good and well-paid job and to retain it; have a family and children at the same time to really enjoy life to the maximum taking part in all kinds of sporting activities from simple jogging, playing badminton, cricket, squash, cycling, having sex and so forth to live a life of Riley. I bought a terraced house and then a semi-detached house when still single to invest money and save on rental payments, and in the academic field wished to become a great scientist in my chosen field of research and I really did reached great heights in all my endeavours. I was a full person, got married and had a daughter to make my life complete. I was vey cunning in working overtime at my job to earn greater amounts of money to save for a rainy day and invested in property in India to keep everyone in the family happy.
What was my state of mind during those years, I ask myself now. Should not that come under the term mindfulness, meaning mindful of all one’s material needs and going full steam ahead in life to live life to the maximum. I never did any meditation of stillness or breathing exercises, but tried hatha yoga which resulted in me developing back ache problems so I abandoned that yoga. I never did religion except paying going to temples, bathing in the Ganga river when young. So essentially I had no bhakti. But during one of our holidays in India, I remember clearly that I had performed Nama to a statue of Ganesha the remover of obstacles in one’s life and my body felt the sensation going down it from my mind, which I reflected as being very strange and I put it to the back of my mind.
When I came up against opposition to my ambitions to make myself well know in Science a the University of Greenwich, I resisted it in a very truth-accommodative manner of just thwarting the attacks so that I could retain my job and prosper in it. I was admonished for those resistance essentially to be put through a disciplinary process of being blameworthy of gross misconduct towards my colleagues and senior management. Then everything changed for I did not wish to be a slave to the University authorities believing that its workplace harassment on me was organised from outside the University in a coordinated manner. I wanted to protect my reputation so that I could then be free to salvage what reputation I had and sought the refuge of a GP-referred Consultant Psychiatrist to diagnose my mental state and he came up with the diagnosis that I was suffering from Severe Depression with Psychotic Features. I thought that would be enough to retain my job and I would be found to not be responsible for my actions in resistance to the harassment, but the University took no account of it and continued with its Disciplinary Action against me. It would not consider Medical Retirement because that would have fetched me £10,000 per year until my State-age retirement and I could still enjoy a life of Riley in some other occupation. So I did not cooperate with the University in the Disciplinary and decided to take the University through the Employment Tribunals and Courts of the United Kingdom. I saw that truth was being suppressed by the State when these failed and my asylum applications to a dozen countries similarly failed to get accepted due I believed to have been through States-organised conspiracy against me. That was when I decided to retaliate on the basis of some digital clock checking for messages from God to fight a dharmaudha against the perpetrators of persecution against me. I believed that truth was sacrosanct and suppression of truth was the highest level of religions persecution. I was incarcerated in a mental hospital in 2004 because of this and I said to the Psychiatrists there that I was a practitioner of Brahmanism, bringing religion into the consideration of my mind. All this was mindful practices, but when I got released from Sectioning three months later, I decided that no God would have wanted a devotee to end up in a mental hospital instead of being saved from a Saviour and Preserver God. So I abandoned the idea of God for some years.
Then I could only get menial jobs of a Cleaner or a warehouse worker so I decided to do these jobs and find time to continue with my Litigation against the University of Greenwich in the Civil Courts having already been found to have abused the process of one Court for the last attempt that was the precipitating factor. But the signs were not good and with threats of further Costs to be paid to the Defendant I abandoned the quest for justice.
In 2006 I landed a better job in a petrol station as a Sales Assistant doing shift work and started to earn reasonable amounts of money. My wife had a good steady job so we abandoned the thought of selling our lovely detached house to move to a smaller house to keep ourselves afloat. However, the fighting spirit surfaced in me when I was put though another disciplinary for harassing a work colleague in the petrol station and I decided to fight for my reputation again by setting up the Union of Petrol Station Workers to recruit members against the abhorrent working practices. My shifts were removed and I took the matter to an Employment Tribunal with nothing coming out of it in my favour. I then decided to apply to the Supreme Court of India in 2008 for a return of my Indian passport that I believed I had birthright to having taken up the Citizenship of the United Kingdom in 1984 to enable me to progress my agricultural work in overseas locations. This is when the State authorities incarcerated me for a second time under Sectioning in a mental hospital, this time for a month, but as with the 2004 Sectioning I was clever enough to play my cards right to again be discharged back into the Community.
Enough was enough and fortunately I got a job in the same petrol station that was taken over by a different management in 2009, and I decided to put an end to my struggle for justice and instead find some other means of enhancing my reputation. I started going to international Forums starting with Freethought and Rationalism Discussion Board (FRDB) and found it immensely enjoyable. I notched up a thousand posts and learnt a great deal on Science and Religion, much of which I condensed into a Blog that I started with Wordpress: entitled ‘Towards Knowledge for World Conservation’, so I set very a high objective.
Unfortunately in 2011, the Company I was working for made me redundant as it sold the site to another Company which did not wish to run the pertrol station. So I was unemployed again and having to struggle once more to make ends meet by working in a local newsagency in the mornings. My pension accrued at the University of Greenwich was still some years away, so I was depressed. A the same time I go into arguments in the Forums like FRDB, Secular Café, Rational Skepticism, and Talk Rational and was hounded out from most of them. I kept myself in Religious Forums for much longer but there too numerous conflicts arose. Further my Blog https://shantanup.wordpress.com was developing exquisitely and it came to the attention of the State authorities. This was when total war was declared between the State and myself, acting as the General of a one man army for I took over the next decade numerous challenges in trying to justify my claim that the United Kingdom was a nation of morons in a Police State and I was determined to punch the final nail in the coffin of this British State. My Blog was archived and suspended from public domain as also a replacement Blog with Wordpress by the same name. I spent time developing other websites all of which were threatened to be closed down but they survived the test of time to this day. I also published 11 books on my experiences that can be downloaded for free or purchased from a Publisher marketing the books.
On the 6 of October 2021, the war is over on a stalemate. And I am reflecting over how my mental state has changed over the past 24 yours with the above background to be considered.