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Update with the Samaritans

Re: Re: Update2




Shantanu Panigrahi <>


Fri, 30 Sept at 09:38

Hello Jo

Thank you for your email.

I do not know where my thoughts originate from when I write: all I know is that when someone says something to me I react as best I can in a positive manner, in a peaceful manner by the process of truth-accommodation. For I have no mind, I gave that attachment up gradually in search for a better mental state through which to carry on living, I have no objectives, no plans, no missions, no aims, no expectations, no anticipations, no wishes, no hopes, no desires and no ego left. I found that when one is fixed on the material world trying to make head or tail of circumstances, all one gets mired in are delusional thoughts in one's consciousness. I suffered a lot from that since I lost my job at the University of Greenwich 24 years ago, for the future looked bleak. I was rendered from riches to rags, spent time in mental hospital twice for what I perceived was positive activism to secure material justice when there was none to be had. I did something, the University reacted by dismissing me and that should have been the end of the matter. None of the legal avenues needed to be pursued at the employment tribunal and Medway County Court for it went on and on on a journey of nothing other than delusional pursuits. But I did not know that it would have been delusional pursuits. I was young and full of vitality. My mind was analysing and calculating realities, I kept a detailed handwritten diary like a scientist would of all my experiences. On reflection they were nonsense scribblings. They destroyed my peace of mind, So I sought the Reality in what I called Freethought and Rationalism and that rationalism never came to fruition. The freethought was still something to retain For I was surviving still with a good family life here in the United Kingdom and dealt with thousands of criminal anonymous trolling emails in what I considered persecution on me.

Today I wrote to the Speaker of the House of Commons to enquire if all matters relating to my representations have now been resolved. Resolution is not the aim. It is just nice to know that there are nothing pending on my in-tray to respond to. I have found that without attachments of any kind the mind disappears from one's consciousness and one lives to truth that descends instantaneously, spontaneously, unpremeditatedly and one can deal with situations nonchalantly. That is the best way to be. I can still get the right thoughts on what to do or say without the baggage of delusions that the mind rolls about in if one consciously thinks about matters and calculates, trying to make tactical decisions, strategic decisions, for one can never be sure of how they would work themselves through in Reality.

As to prioriiies, I am fit and healthy and so am able to do work around the house, looking after the needs of my wife who has a back injury and fortunately she has now got herself an appointment with the NHS Orthopaedic Clinicians this Sunday the 2 of September 2022. I told you earlier of the delays that were there and she needs to get better so that we can get to take some holidays. I take our daughter to work as a Civil Servant and that is a source of happiness for all of us, for she has struggled to find suitable employment for years. I help around the house to make life easy for my wife in running chores and this makes me content. These are my priorities. If on top I can get a part-time weekend job at a Supermarket or petrol station that would be the icing on the cake.

I know that I have not knowingly done anything wrong at any given time in my adult years. Knowing means being able to calculate right from wrong. Who has the ability to do so. We all fit in to rules and regulations to cope with the inability of the mind to discern right from wrong, But this did not satisfy me. I needed to be free and liberated to do and write as I please, to associate with people in the most natural manner possible. When I do something or write to someone, once the email has gone, that is the end of the matter for me. I do not expect a reply, That is how the person operates in the Self to retain his freedom of expression which is sacronsanct to me. By doing so my experience is that one is contributing to knowledge for world conservation slowly and in the right direction, listening to people and reacting with positive statements.

I will always treasure my communications with the Samaritans and will listen to advice, if you have any, but you only listen as is your way of performing the role that is assigned to you. Talking to you does help me if it is in written from, When one engages in conversation, it is instant thoughts of the mind and I can do that too, but I like to write and so use this method of communicating with others. I love English language, as I love the United Kingdom.

I never read or edit what I write: once written it is despatched. I do not worry about its consequences, for my mind does not exist. I operate in truth.


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On Friday, 30 September 2022 at 08:28:54 BST, <> wrote:

Dear Shantanu,

It's good that you are getting some job applications in.

There is a lot going on for you, if you could make a problem list what would be at the top of your list?

You speak a lot about writing and your emails to us are very detailed, it sounds as though writing may help you to process your thoughts and feelings. I hope that writing to us is helpful to you in some way.



You can call Samaritans free on 116 123 day or night, 365 days a year, from any phone in the UK or Republic of Ireland. A trained volunteer will answer the phone as soon as they can.

When you email us, we aim to respond within 24 hours. This means it will usually be several hours before someone reads your email. If you need urgent support, we can respond more quickly if you call.

You can find more information about Samaritans, including other ways to contact, online self-help and more about the email service at Our privacy statement is here:

Samaritans registered Charity Number 219432 (England & Wales) and SC040604 in Scotland.


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